Tag Archives: soul adventure

Take a Deep Breath

And trust your instinct.

No matter how known your counsel is, it’s you who knows exactly what is on your mind and heart. It’s only you who can see from your perspective. It’s only you who can make the decision.

Also, become a strict tenant. You control who rents space in your mind. No one has the right to squat inside your brain and tell you what they see from their own perspective. You set the rules. You aren’t required to give any notice to those you refuse.

These words are for me. I’ve let this year become about someone else setting my pace. When last year was all about saying YES to me and my own heart (because you have to, especially when everyone has their own opinion), I took two steps back and submit my own thoughts to another.

All my plans for Live Audaciously were on hold while I chased someone else’s advice.

When you mute your true passion, what is left to drive you? 

I haven’t blogged since the end of January. Only because I’ve felt stuck, downplayed, weak, as if my plans weren’t enough compared to what might amount to more monetarily.

So many random thoughts tonight.

Really, fuck all of them. Those who try to tell you you don’t matter because they are feeling threatened or invalidated. We live in a world where you are free to create yourself. Take full advantage and don’t let them tell you otherwise. And if they do, walk away. Kick them out of your mind. Keep being you.

If advice is hurled your way, decide if it matters to you. If not, do whatever the hell you want.

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Audacious

Last June I was reading Wild on my condo balcony. My health and fitness hobby was growing into what could easily become a career. My mind was searching for which direction I would go. Would I continue to teach in a local school district one more year or would I knowingly give up a steady paycheck because deep down I had faith and a feeling this will work? Do I have enough courage to make it work when the feeling has left me?

In my deliberation, I never once thought teaching was inferior, though if I was honest with myself and everyone else, teaching in the U.S. in a public school was on my list of “nevers.” I did not want to become a teacher, especially not an elementary school teacher. What happened though is, I really wanted to move to Nashville and it was something I could do.

Often we make choices based on what we think we can do instead of aiming for what is nearly impossible (and what we would clearly need God’s help in achieving).

So in weighing both of my options, I only had one true choice. Continue to dole out advice I was hypocritically to terrified to exercise in my own life, or fall in love with the fear knowing my dependency on faith would multiply.

After a few, long, deep breaths and uplifting conversations with Nigel, I made the phone call. I said no, and thank you, to an opportunity. A really good, amazing, fantastic opportunity, because when I evaluated my motivation – money was at the core. I started teaching to get to Nashville. I was still teaching because even though teachers are not paid a great deal of it, money is involved, and it comes steadily.

I knew this is what I needed to do. I knew in my heart when I was moved to tears at the bravery and audacity of this woman who decided to write an honest story about her experience in coming home and embracing who she is. Her account paired with the notion in The Compound Effect about doing things in a big way and going for the shock factor over what is comfortable, made up my mind.

I wasn’t sure what it would look like, but knew, this is how I wanted my story to read:

she had a chance to live her life and she took it

Now, six months later, the choice is still scary. I still doubt. I still question myself and my crazy. It would be so practical to give up and move on; I’m doing what I do well, but am I doing it well enough?

This morning I spent some time reading Love Does by Bob Goff. This was gifted to me by a new friend who I don’t even truly know, but the internet and life work that way.

Aside from the heart and humor within each story Bob tells, he also continues to remind me dreaming in an enormous way is important. Having faith because it’s unlikely and unpractical and outrageous, is important and even necessary.

Bob has used the adjective “audacious,” nearly ten times in his book. Of course anyone is welcome to use any word they prefer, and still because he keeps using that word of all words, I know to hang on. I know to keep going, keep pushing, because nothing worth doing is easy (it’s what they say, right?) And because I never want to leave this life a little short of what I could have been.

When I look at who inspires me, I see the relentless, passionate few, who no matter what – never freaking give up. And in doing so they arrive where they are headed. They embody audacity and true faith.

Living our day to day naturally dims this drive. We all become very comfortable. Life is convenient, even easy mostly. So I don’t expect you to fully understand what I’m saying. Because when I’m in the routine, driving to and from work, tired, only slightly passionate, I forget too. However, in these moments when I take one second and let some truth touch my soul – I remember. I was meant for more, I can feel it. You were too. Whatever it looks like for you, I’m not sure. But what I do know is you should always do a “soul check.” Ask yourself questions regularly. Reflect on who you are and who you want to be and listen to what’s inside of you. At your core you always know which path to follow.

Be freaking audacious. In your actions, your love, your life. Every day, forever. Amen.

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Compartmentalized Faith

Or, faith that suits you.

It seems a theme practiced especially in America is compartmentalized faith, or the idea that one truth only permeates in certain conditions. For example, when someone believes God will take care of them in any situation, and then any random situation occurs, and they forget their belief and retreat into fear. Or when we are asked to take in refugees and we decide that caring for those in need is conditional.

Or when we’re afraid to quit our job when we know it’s the right thing to do. Or when we can only give a little of ourselves because if we give more, we might be at a loss. Or when that scared voice inside is all that we  hear. When it starts counting scars instead of blessings and hurts instead of beauty.

We complicate the simplest of truths. Here’s one: you have faith or you have fear. You cannot have both. Well, maybe you can have both but only one will be driving. So which is it? Is the faith that you were created in such a way, that whatever happens if you wrap hold the faith you know you have somewhere – it will be ok. Or is it fear who tells you to look out for you no matter what because if you don’t, no one will? When in reality, the more you wrap yourself up and take care of you, the more you take away the opportunity for someone to love into your life.

Please open up this season. Give and share more of yourself because you were made to bless someone. You have unique talents that will heal the broken if you let faith drive you.

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November 29th

In the midst of (unsuccessfully) studying for my CPT exam next weekend, I’m thinking about next year. Anyone else guilty of the same type of mind flow? I start a lot of projects and feel successful when doing them all at the same time. It drives Nigel crazy.

So, I’m thinking of next year and how I am going to launch a 100% health overhaul. I’ve mapped out posts to keep myself on track, and beginning December 15th I’ll be reflecting on this year and prepping for the next. But right now I need to study. Cannot wait to share all I’m learning!

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My Sister, The Warrior

Yesterday morning, I was driving to a sub job I’d agreed to work. It was 45 minutes away (oops) so I had a lot of time to be alone before arriving.

During my drive, I received a photo for my eyes only. It was a photo of my sister holding her fresh, new baby boy, Gabriel. When I saw the photo, I called my mom. She told me that Gabe was just delivered and handed the phone to my sister.

“That was HARD,” she said, laughing and crying at the same time. Poor thing was exhausted, but I could hear her joy. “You did it! That part is over!” I told her. To my surprise, I was choking up as well. And here we were, my little sister, having just given birth 500 miles away. And myself, on the way to work, allowed to have a quick conversation with the brand new momma.

Kara, I was crying just as much as you were yesterday. Not from the pain, of course, but because I am so proud of you. I will {always} love and cherish those few moments I was able to talk to you right after Gabriel was born. You have so much ahead of you with a new human to care for, but you conquered the pain, sister!

Especially because I haven’t been through this stage of life yet, I’m so proud. You handled pregnancy gracefully and delivered your son into this world.

Only a few short days until I get to meet him and hold him in my arms. I’m excited to hug you and congratulate you in person. I love you. I’m so proud of you. You are so special to me.

Gabriel

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Transition

I’ve transitioned from extremely free to extremely busy in a matter of days. Maybe extremely busy is an exaggeration; however, I now have plenty to fill my days and I am relieved to not be overly-stressed with a 40-hour a week commitment on top of everything else.

In the third week of the new year, I began my Masters course: Classroom Discipline and Motivation. With the possibility of teaching beginning as early as this fall, I am pretty thrilled to learn a few classroom motivation secrets. I am also preparing for an interview in Nashville on February 9th; and wait, there’s more, I’ve been studying for the ESL Praxis (and will take this next week, ahh!) My stomach is nervous, which means I’m not as relaxed as before, but that’s okay.

I’ve picked up a few sub opportunities here and there, but for the most part I’m leaning on my wonderfully, amazing man.

Finally, amidst the new found busy I do not want to forget to make the space for relaxation, tranquility and a stillness before the Lord. (It’s all for Him, about Him, because of Him).

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Week Two

To be vs. to do – an update on my recently, purposefully un-busy life.

So far, since I have put to rest the driving force of the acquisition of money and the desire for productivity, I have been able to savor the tranquility hidden in the act of being versus the act of doing.

I’ve put focus on a holistic, healthful approach to intake and time consumption. I’ve lost five pounds, lost a nasty head cold, lost the headache and pressure of a rigid schedule.

What have I gained?

I have gained the time and space to pursue relationships. Time to wake-up and feel thankful and alive. Time to appreciate my husband for all that he is and how hard he is working as I reflect and recoup. An appreciation for the now, each moment…an appreciation for all that God has created: the raw, the community, the inspiration, the quality, the transfer of energy, true joy, perspective, semantics, knowledge, wisdom, beauty, potential, art in all of it’s forms, love, the ability to love.

Mostly, I’ve gained a deep appreciation for the ability to live. To live imperfectly but fully with everything I’m given at every moment.

 

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2013

Fresh. New. Possibility. Adventure. Alive.

I can almost feel these words as I think them. The psychological and ideological approach to the new year is not new, nor is it realistic, but it sure is fun. It’s fun to imaginatively pack up 2012. A memory just the right size to put in that box over there and, here, this one will fit too. That one memory gets shoved into the “never again box.” The NA box will be thrown out completely, burned, and hopefully we’ll lose sight of the ashes.

On NYE we construct new boxes. We fold them just right, we decorate them too. These boxes are created in the form of wishes, dreams and resolutions. These boxes are always much better than the used, sometimes ugly boxes of the years past. I realize I’m a day or so late in constructing my own box for the new year, but I wasn’t feeling the drive to create until now.

Mine is far more abstract than it has ever been before. The rules which dictated my dos and don’ts are loosely embraced this year. I’ve flung aside the brown cardboard that told me exactly how my experiences should appear and exactly what I will do to create them. This year’s ideas are merely suggestions.

Some suggestions I will paint on the outside of the box include: creatively existing, less do-ing/ more experiencing, a transition into better health, allowing myself to live by my own advice and learning to feed my soul.

Near the close of 2012, I shed the thought that my life had to seem a certain way. I too sensitively listened to everyone’s plans and thought I had to have my very own plan (and it had to look like every other plan). Sometimes my life will look radically different than anyone I can name, and that is OK. This epiphany birthed the choice to quit my job and purposefully not focus on the inevitable question of, “what’s next?” This decision has ignited so much feeling of freedom within my being. This decision has allowed me to entertain the world of possibility that lies ahead. I don’t want to be slave to the “have-tos” and I am embracing the “want-tos” and the “wouldn’t it be amazings?”

I know this year will be chalked-full of adventure and I cannot wait to share the “what’s next?” as it evolves into existence.

Here’s to a less complicated and more holistic new year. CHEERS.

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Hallelujah

I long so deeply for home today; for it’s fullness and beauty and truth.

Hallelujah.

 

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Lyrical

I like to write with music playing. It makes me feel like I’m escaping into this existential world of emotion and thought. The unspoken ideas, those that are not yet words, simply ideas, dance around in my head as I debate whether to let them be, dancing in their beauty, in their unformed state, or categorize them into expressions, words, paragraphs, stories.

I keep these ideas safe by not speaking them. They are my secrets. I do not want to fail in my attempt to express them completely, so I don’t express them at all. Instead, I let them dance in my mind to the music I’m absorbing.

Sometimes even speaking them is too dry, too flat. I’m learning, perhaps, lyrical poetry is the only way to express these colorful, rich, dimensional ideas. I’m thinking this especially now, as I sing along to the music.

Maybe it’s because I can feel it. I not only read it with my eyes, but hear it with my ears, comprehend it with my mind and understand it with my heart. The lyrics are puzzles that coax my curiosity to gain further understanding. And sometimes, lyrics can remain secrets. They don’t require explanation, just enjoyment.

“Second best, oh, second best

I can learn to live with this

Plus, I really need a rest

After all, what’s wrong with second best”

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