Tag Archives: fun

legrand adventure – the only kind to have

truly, madly, deeply is playing right now. is that the name of it? i know it’s by savage garden – ha. and i remember vaguely hearing this song at the grocery when i was a senior in high school.

god, that’s so far away.

even yesterday feels distant.

so i’m taking deep breaths and doing the next right thing. because that’s what oprah says to do. and the next right thing is another deep breath and allowing myself grace.

grace because i was only divorced three months ago, and i’ve been transient for over a year, and i’ve been freelancing during this time, and i broke up with my boyfriend and popped my tire in the same week. this week. today.

and i went to california and italy this year, all while transitioning, and new friending, and falling in love again.

i moved here and i moved to nashville and i moved back here again.

i said goodbye to my puppies.

action, movement, motion.

almost poetic as we transition into winter i’m finally pausing.

finally breathing.

finally acknowledging – damn, amanda – a break down is not weakness. in fact, it’s healthy.

a trauma research study stated divorce, moving, finding a new job, and losing pets all in the highest category of stress and life change.

so…

another deep breath. and two more.

this life is truly, incredibly beautiful. i see opportunity. possibility. growth. transformation. empathy. power.

i also see a trampoline down here at rock bottom. (i’m teasing, this doesn’t feel like rock bottom)

deep sigh, exhale, SMILE –

and move.

Tagged , , , , , , , ,

Hallelujah – Part Two

Nothing is ever the same, but everything is always familiar.

I’ve posted this song before. Here it is again played by Dave Bazan.

Tagged , , , , , , ,

Lyrical

I like to write with music playing. It makes me feel like I’m escaping into this existential world of emotion and thought. The unspoken ideas, those that are not yet words, simply ideas, dance around in my head as I debate whether to let them be, dancing in their beauty, in their unformed state, or categorize them into expressions, words, paragraphs, stories.

I keep these ideas safe by not speaking them. They are my secrets. I do not want to fail in my attempt to express them completely, so I don’t express them at all. Instead, I let them dance in my mind to the music I’m absorbing.

Sometimes even speaking them is too dry, too flat. I’m learning, perhaps, lyrical poetry is the only way to express these colorful, rich, dimensional ideas. I’m thinking this especially now, as I sing along to the music.

Maybe it’s because I can feel it. I not only read it with my eyes, but hear it with my ears, comprehend it with my mind and understand it with my heart. The lyrics are puzzles that coax my curiosity to gain further understanding. And sometimes, lyrics can remain secrets. They don’t require explanation, just enjoyment.

“Second best, oh, second best

I can learn to live with this

Plus, I really need a rest

After all, what’s wrong with second best”

Tagged , , , , , , ,

Dance

If I could do absolutely anything ever, I would be a professional dancer.

I’m 27 now and I’ve had people tell me, “yeah you can take dance classes at any age, but you are too old to dance competitively.”

Now, I am not aware of all that is required of a professional dancer, but from the outside looking in…it seems simply glamorous.

Le sigh.

Tagged , , ,

LeGrand Adventure

I need an adventure.

This is something I say pretty frequently. I NEED an adventure. I am fond of change. I like learning. And, really, I NEED ADVENTURE.

But what is adventure? It depends on who you’re asking. One of my coveted adventures is teaching English in other countries. Actually moving abroad for a year (or more) and experiencing another culture and language while making some money teaching. Recently, I’ve completed a certification course in order to teach English abroad. I need to schedule a time to shadow a current ESL teacher, but altogether, it seems I’m prepared for my adventure…

…well, not quite.

You see, I am married to an amazing man. I am SO thankful for all the balance and love he brings to my life. However, with this love, and with this amazing balance, he also carries his own share of adventures…and…as of lately these adventures don’t consist of moving abroad…ever.

Hmm.

I’ve never dealt with this before. I mean, before marriage/relationships, you set an adventure and then you “just do it.” The daunting thought of never achieving this “dream” leaves me a little dazed, wondering which way to turn next.

One thing I can make clear is this: I love my husband, and I respect that he has his own dreams (adventures). I also respect that he may not appreciate or understand my dreams, while I may not appreciate or understand his. However, we are both able to respect the other perspective and try to compromise. Because he may never be ready to move abroad does not make null my commitment to him…it just makes it a little more difficult.

…And maybe it makes things a little more exciting. I am now challenged to seek many things… a new attitude, a new goal, another adventure. In fact, my recent challenge is just that: seeking adventure in the every day. While I’m mulling through what it looks like to have my adventure on hold, I plan to MAKE adventures weekly, even daily. And then I’ll blog about them.

Yes.

That is what I will do.

Tagged , , , , ,