I have this fear that has manifested itself in the last few years. At 17, I felt my future was full of hope, possibility. At 27, my future and I have this dysfunctional relationship. I feel my future takes and takes, while I constantly give.
I spent time with a dear friend last night. I unloaded all my thoughts and burdens, and she patiently listened. When I finished my rambling, she asked me, “Do you think you are feeling this way because you aren’t where you expected to be in life? Like there are things you thought you would be doing and you aren’t doing them or cannot do them right now?”
Yes. She’s right. I want so badly to travel (at least I think I want to travel), and I cannot do that right now. I like the idea of children, but I do not want them right now. I might want a house; however the responsibility and commitment frightens me. I do not enjoy my desk-job. I want to feel free.
I had plans of becoming this super adult, super wife and eventually super mom. I’ve realized I’m only a mediocre adult and sometimes I’m a horrible wife.
So perhaps my fear of my future is in reality a fear of failure. Life will never be exactly as I imagined. I guess this adds to the excitement.
A final thought in my insecure rambling: I found this old video last night. While it is dated, the advice isn’t. Listening made me feel a little less out-of-control and more thankful for my experience.
Follow the link and enjoy (and always, always…wear sunscreen).