february in ft collins

i was afraid of healing alone. it felt safer, easier, sweeter to move out of marriage and into the excitement of closeness with a friend. the way it was happening though was unhealthy and i’m happy for the not quite.

turns out what looked scary was grace masked. what initially caused pain and extreme discomfort was abundance, freedom, and joy.

to move to a new city, work wherever whenever, hike when i make the time, listen to ed sheeran and sit in my sweat pants while devouring whatever educational material i want/need to push myself toward a new goal – seriously bliss.

to introvert when i feel it so i can write and reflect and hone in on exactly what it is i’m absorbing at this stage in life, it’s a gd gift I tell you.

nothing to prove. nothing to lose. nothing i’m missing or missing out on by being here, focusing on growth. seeing providence and blessing.

allowing instead of resisting. allowing the time to contract and expand like an accordion. sometimes it’s busy and uneven and perfect. sometimes it’s spread and contemplative and flowy and perfect.

i’m not in possession of certain things or people, which only means i’m learning to love. more deeply, authentically, richly, joyfully.

love the becoming.

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