if LOST producers can develop an entire plot line focused on the in-between space – the not quite rescued, the un-arrived – then surely i can begin now. in-between what was and what will be, when I’m sitting in a health food restaurant off Mass Street, listening to live music, and filling out applications for what will be (at most) a three-week gig. defrosting and moving slowly, taking breaks to text the sweetest people. people i get to call my own. answering existential questions for fun and teasing about the future – i’m grinning. i may be cold, congested, and temporarily jobless, but i have a plan. and gosh darn it i have the best people.
leaving Columbus a few days ago was difficult. i’m so tired of trading in people. becoming close and then saying goodbye, though i did realize today – i’m not trading them – i actually get to keep them. and i get to hope and pray they will continue to show up in significant ways. i get to rest in the faith they will re-appear if they are supposed to – God only knows.
so here i am in the in-between. collecting info, making plans, continuing to push forward when i’m comfortable and enjoying this precious time with family.
an old friend quoted Alan Watts with, “the key to being unstuck is to let go of the desire to be unstuck.” and i resonate. though i think somewhere deep down, i’m holding onto being stuck. again – in this phase of life it’s comfortable. it’s familiar. and if i keep letting go (over and over) the risk of never getting [it] back rises.
so, I trust.
and when trusting is so so hard, I pray.
and I remind myself i’m learning lessons i need to learn to complete a much bigger, more beautiful picture than could be created otherwise.
here’s to the in-between