Monthly Archives: December 2012

Snow Day

I tried to make it to work today, really.

I left 20 minutes earlier than normal and was honestly driving about 20 miles an hour. Even though many cars were having some trouble, I thought, “I can do this.” I thought this right up to three minutes into my drive. My normal route was completely blocked due to a wreck and several cars swerving hopelessly on the ice.

As I turned around, I realized my car would not be so lucky to make it back without swerving around like the rest of them. Half an hour passed as I turned my wheels this way and that way, trying to gain enough traction to move. While trying to coax my car into movement, a jeep came careening backward, right toward my front bumper. “Oh crap,” I thought.

Fortunately, I was able to swerve right out of the way … just in time. Shortly after this, my car realized it’s power and moved forward, upward toward home. An hour later, I was back home.

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So far I’ve done up my hair and make-up, tried on several different outfits, had my own impromptu photo shoot (which included a trip outside in my big winter parka) and had some down time filled with music and reflection.

This reflection has led to much brainstorming: first, what a year this has been…I’m excited to reflect completely and set some new goals for 2013; second, I am so thankful for all the beauty and grace every moment brings. Sometimes beauty comes in the form of bitter, sometimes it’s more obvious like falling snow. Also, I think, like the Grinch, my heart has grown three sizes today realizing how much I really do enjoy people. I often like to be alone, but oh how I enjoy being surrounded by such wonderful, different and interesting people.

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Possibility

11: the number of days remaining at my current job. 0: the number of jobs I have lined up after this one.
This makes me feel alive for some reason. It makes me feel free. It makes me feel like I don’t have to be tied-up to some responsibility to survive. I feel like my options are wide open and my future can be etched with my own pen.

Realistically, this is very stupid. However, it doesn’t stop me. I technically have a job substitute teaching, but need to register my fingerprints to be “official.”

I’d like to work in a warehouse or bar-tend or do something completely random, for fun, just because.

Ideas?? Suggestions?? Dares???

Image

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Hallelujah

I long so deeply for home today; for it’s fullness and beauty and truth.

Hallelujah.

 

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Bitter

I know we should value every moment, but I’m left feeling like I want nothing more than the beginning of January. I feel so jaded about the world’s approach to Christmas. We drew names at Thanksgiving for a Christmas gift exchange. I don’t even want to think about spending money on a gift. I don’t want to have to stress about buying gifts for people that don’t need them or to pretend like gift giving is what matters.

I am done caring about my job, and tired of showing up every week faking it. I miss working with kids. At least they are authentic. Most haven’t been bitten by the bitter of life.

I know this is a sour post, but I want room to be sour. I want to be able to frown and cry if I feel it. I want to be real, even if real is ugly.

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What do I desire?

Hi.

Perhaps the grandest of adventures is in the making. My loans will soon be paid (well, we’ve paid four in one year. I am extremely STOKED about this) and my full time job will be no longer as of December 28th. It’s funny. I wanted full-time work so badly and now I’m running as fast as I can toward change. I believe I served at CFCA for the appropriate allotted time. As mentioned previously, I successfully depleted four different student loans with one remaining. My attitude toward the final loan is to not focus on it, let it disappear more naturally. I’ve learned a great deal about working in the non-profit world. It truly is fulfilling, but so are many other things. I know I can do anything I would like to do. Some things may take more time and effort, but it’s the risk I’d take given wanting to do that particular thing.

What is my dream job? I’m not really sure. My Facebook news feed provided me with the most interesting video.

What would I do if money didn’t matter? It’s so hard to say…we are so trained to search for something that earns us money, not fulfillment. But how do we pay the bills if what we want to do doesn’t currently earn us anything? It’s really a hard, heartless, vicious cycle.

I want to write. I want to travel. Could I become a travel-writer? My current worldly answer is…I can teach. Only sometimes am I passionate about teaching; however the answer is acceptable and the pay check is real, not imaginary. Would I love it? Probably not…would I enjoy it? Yes, sometimes.

Right now, my husband and I are looking for work in Nashville and Chicago. I’d like to move. I’d like to do something interesting and mobile before I’m 30.

Perhaps it’s all so overrated. Thoughts?

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